Third Draft

Welcome to revising the Third Draft.

Under the “Second Draft” tab, you learned how to use margin comments to improve certain sections of the academic essay, which include the introduction, thesis, topic sentences, supporting evidence, transitions, analysis, and conclusion. Throughout the process of learning how to apply comments, you also learned how to recognize both positive and negative replies; how to recognize an “unclear” statement and provide definitions for terms you want to use within your paper; and how to outline distinctions.

For example, a paper that lacks coherence, logic, and sense will frustrate the teacher’s ability to grade the essay fairly. In addition, too many different types of statements within one paragraph will cause the whole paper to suffer greatly because you will end up walking the reader through a forest of trees with no clear, discernible path or direction.

Ensuring that your analysis is both precise and detailed is a difficult task because you believe it is your duty to add as much detail to a particular paragraph to satisfy your teacher. However, this same teacher will criticize you for adding too much detail in another paragraph. Although this may seem unfair, there is not a true standard for teaching revision and for applying margin comments throughout the revision process.

Professors and teachers alike take a student’s paper, mark it up in red, and add a comment to the end or to the margin just to inform the student that he or she has made a mistake. Rarely do we see teachers use comments to help students improve their writing. They may use a checkmark or add a statement at the end of the essay that basically provides the student with positive feedback, but not enough instructors teach revision that includes incorporating margin comments to help students address areas of their papers that need extensive improvement.

Students need to understand how a faulty thesis affects the whole paper, how a quote does not always support a topic sentence, and how unverified assumptions affect the analysis. Each part in a paper is connected, interrelated and interdependent. The thesis cannot survive without the introduction paragraph and the topic sentence cannot survive without the thesis. Feedback comments under the second draft provide solutions for students who need to clarify the content within some parts of the paper, outline better arguments by developing a solid stance, and organize information so that each section of the paper fulfills its purpose.

However, the third draft highlights the importance of revising papers for sentence structure. Revising the third draft should be a shorter process, but it takes just as much time as the previous drafting and revising processes. The “Third Draft” focuses on editing and proofreading by offering specific solutions for repairing and correcting passive voice and it also provides proofreading tips.

During the process of revising the third draft, you will undoubtedly have problems with logic, sentences, grammar, and punctuation. Because the first two drafts require so much extensive developmental editing and restructuring, it is likely your sentences also need correction.

Therefore, developing a revision plan for the third draft will require you to familiarize yourself with different verbs, passive construction, and active voice. The goal is to recognize passive construction, which sometimes may be unavoidable but still necessary. In addition, another goal is to address all grammar issues, including punctuation and other types of sentence constructions. You will review typical comments professors use to highlight grammar problems within your paper. In-depth exploration of select grammar concepts is necessary and explored within this lesson.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

By the end of this lesson, composition students will be able to do the following:

Understand passive construction.

Outline a strategy for revising sentence-level issues.

Revise for grammar and sentence construction.

Keep these learning objectives in mind as you review the sample feedback comment on passive construction.

SAMPLE FEEDBACK COMMENT

3.2. Active Voice/Passive Voice

Overview

The feedback comments within this lesson module fall under the third draft process for passive construction. Students often write without planning. Students may also write with some form of planning. However, it is hard to prepare for those areas of the paper that require additional planning and preparation.

Understanding a literary work requires more than a skim of the passage. You must read the work for understanding. When an instructor writes “Passive Voice,” this means that development of content needs to reflect better preparation and attention to grammar concepts. In the same way that you create a prep statement for a quote, integrate the quote, and then follow up the quote with commentary and/or analysis, sentence-level issues need the same preparation and foresight.

Revising your paper for general grammar issues and specific passive voice issues requires skill. The development of writing skill always requires further attention on the literary work, the writing strategy, and the adherence to the assignment.

Revising the third draft will require returning to review the assignment sheet/instructions, reviewing the instructor’s feedback, and deciding when and what to delete to make the paper and the ideas within it effective. This lesson module represents a discussion on passive voice.

Consider the feedback comment as useful for honing your ability and skill to revise passive voice, create active voice sentences, and manage all sentence-level issues within the third draft.

Learning Objectives

By the end of this lesson, students will be able to do the following:

Review the third draft for issues with passive voice.
Review the third draft for issues with other sentence-level construction.
Apply the instructor’s feedback
Design a revision plan.

Tools You Will Need

You will need your third draft (graded/not graded, in progress).

You will need circled, highlighted, or squared any area where passive voice is present.

Instructor feedback

To understand the difference between “active voice” and “passive voice,” you must have a firm comprehension of grammar.

Within a sentence lies the following:

1) grammatical subject (i.e., person, place, thing, or idea),

2) information that tells us who and what the sentence is about, and a

3) verb in a specific tense that determines the action of the subject.

The “verb” indicates the time in which an action took, takes, or will take place. It is usually in the past, present, or future tense, respectively. When you can understand the many functions of the “verb,” then you will know how to correct a sentence presently in the passive voice and change it into a construction that reflects the subject of the sentence performing the action.

Below is a brief grammar lesson, based upon the instructions and definitions outlined in Paul Gary Phillips and Joyce B. Phillips’s Essentials of Tutoring: Helping College Students Develop Their Writing Skills. To safeguard against copyright infringement, we have changed the sentences and corresponding explanations. In other words, we have included our own explanations.

Following this lesson is an example of how to correct a sentence that reflects passive construction and how to convert the sentence into active voice.

Simple Tenses: Past, Present, Future

John went to the store.
John goes to the store.
John will go to the store.

Perfect Tenses: Past Perfect, Present Perfect, Future Perfect

John had jogged to the store.
John has jogged to the store.
John will have jogged to the store.

Progressive Tenses: Past Progressive, Present Progressive, Future Progressive

John was jogging to the store.
John is jogging to the store.
John will be jogging to the store.

Perfect Progressive Tenses: Past Perfect Progressive, Present Perfect Progressive, Future Perfect Progressive

John had been jogging.
John has been jogging.
John will have been jogging.

Irregular Verbs

Irregular verbs are verbs that do not end in –ed but can take on past and participle verb forms.

John chose to jog.
John chooses to jog.
John will have chosen to jog.

Transitive and Intransitive Verbs

John jogged and ran into the wall. Transitive: the wall (object) receives action of the verb.
John jogs slowly. Intransitive: “jogs” is intransitive because the action is complete in and of itself; the sentence requires no object.

Verbals: Participles, Gerunds, Infinitives

Participles, gerunds, and infinitives do not function as verbs in a sentence. They do not indicate tense or when an action begins or ends. Instead, they function as nouns, adverbs, and adjectives, depending upon a particular context.

The excited jogger ran into the wall. This is a participle. Although –ed is at the end of “excite,” this verbal functions as an adjective, describing the noun “jogger.” The main verb of the sentence is “ran.”

John loves jogging. This is a gerund. “Jogging” functions as a noun without the need of a helping verb. The main verb is “loves.”

John wanted to jog on Monday. This is an infinitive. The main verb is “wanted.” For example, the infinitive “to do” is not the same thing as the verb “doing.”

Verbals also include Finite and Nonfinite Verbs.

Finite Verbs

John jogged. (John decided to jog.) The action is complete or finished.

Nonfinite Verbs (participles, gerunds, infinitives)

Jogging three hours makes John tired. Although we know how long John has been jogging, the sentence does not indicate standard verb tense. The sentence does not indicate when John started.

Helping Verbs

The following bulleted list consists of standard helping verbs:

“do”
“have”
conjugated forms and tenses of the “be verb”: is, am, are; was, were
“modals”: might, may, must, should, could, would, will (shall), can

The examples below illustrate the different ways a verb can function in a sentence with the same grammatical subject.

Fred cleans the store. Present tense action

Fred is cleaning the store. Present Participle + linking be verb “is”

Fred might clean the store. Helping Modal: “might”

Fred was cleaning the store. Past tense action; Linking be verb: “was”

Fred cleaned the store. Past tense action

Fred will clean the store. Future tense action

Definition of a Passive Construction

When a student/writer creates a sentence that uses a form of the helping verb “to be,” or uses one of the modals with the past tense form of a main verb (-ed), then he or she constructs a sentence in the passive voice. When using passive voice, the grammatical subject receives the action but does not perform the action. Below is an example of a sentence in the passive voice as well as its active voice counterpart:

Passive Voice	Active Voice
The store was cleaned by Fred. Linking verb “was” in the form of a helper with the -ed form of a main verb	Fred cleaned the store. Past tense action verb. Fred is performing the action.

Notice that the preposition “by” and the position of the subject are keys to understanding that the first sentence represents a passive construction.

In the first example, “store” is the subject of the sentence. It receives the action. However, in the second sentence, “Fred” is the subject of the sentence, and “he” performs the action. He cleaned the store. A passive sentence is easily correctable once you understand who the subject of the sentence is and what you want him or her to do.

Tips for correcting your sentences

Remove the helping verb and the preposition.
Focus more on the subject of the sentence.
Determine what you want the subject to do.
Make your subject performs the action.

DOWNLOAD

The following is the downloadable document for the sample feedback comment and the related comments. It is useful as a guide for revising the third draft.

3.2. Active Voice/Passive Voice

“Active Voice/Passive Voice” is a feedback comment appropriate for the third draft. Composition instructions expect students to revise at the sentence-level and for passive voice. Download the document for flexibility.

favors-writing-center-feedback-comment-3.2.-active-voice-passive-voice-single-october-21-2021-pdf Download

RELATED FEEDBACK COMMENTS

The following are useful as guides for revising the third draft. Use these feedback comments in conjunction with the other comments on this page.

3.4. Must Be a Sentence

According to the standards of the Modern Language Association (MLA), you “must construct a clear, grammatically correct sentence that allows you to introduce or incorporate a quotation with complete accuracy” (109). Below is a sample excerpt where the student incorporates a quote without ensuring that the sentences before the quote and the quote itself represent a complete grammatical unit.

Sample Excerpt

Although Realists often portray themselves as being free of idealism, they still embrace the concept of accepting the “national interest” as an ideal:

a one true guide to the formulation of the public policy of states in this dangerous international system; failure to accept the national interest, or reason of state, is a prescription for natural disaster, an increase in global violence, and an irresponsible act that places private ideas or interests above public needs. (Doyle 19)

Problem

The student incorporates a quote from a reference source, sets it off within the body paragraph according to MLA standards, but does not structure the sentence and the quote so that they both represent one grammatical unit.

Critique

Even though you are incorporating a quote and setting it off within your paper, the set off quote must still represent a sentence. For any quote you incorporate into your own sentence, the sentence must still reflect a complete thought.

Revision Consideration

Below is an excerpt (represented as a quote) from the MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers. Notice the irony:

If a quotation runs to more than four lines in your paper, set it off from your text by beginning a new line, indenting one inch (or ten spaces if you are using a typewriter) from the left margin, and typing it double-spaced, without adding quotation marks. A colon generally introduces a quote displayed in this way, though sometimes the context may require a different mark of punctuation or none at all. (110)

Typically, you will double-space every paragraph of your paper. This is the general rule. If you have the same error within your paper, as illustrated in the sample excerpt, perform the following steps:

Remove the colon after “ideal.”
Add a period after “ideal.”
Apply the following phrase: The concept represents

Here is a sample revision of the excerpt:

Although Realists often portray themselves as being free of idealism, they still embrace the concept of accepting the “national interest” as an ideal. The concept represents

Always remember that every sentence you incorporate within your papers, whether your own or from a reference source, must represent a standard grammatical unit, with subject and verb and other corresponding parts. In addition, when incorporating a quote, and using your own sentence as an introductory statement, be certain that both elements collectively represent a complete thought.

Refer to your MLA handbook for more information on how to change elements in a quote by using brackets and other marks.

3.8. Question Mark (?)

A question mark in the margins reflects borderline confusion to your professor. Confused about the ideas you express within your analysis the professor uses the mark to highlight those areas where you need to provide a specific explanation. A question mark has the same meaning as “I don’t understand what you are trying to say here. What exactly do you mean? How does one thing relate to another? Explain.”

Any comment where the professor instructs you to go into more detail is a comment you can use to help you better understand what the question mark represents. Just know that by writing a question mark in the margins of your paper, your professor is communicating the idea that she does not know what you are trying to convey within your essay. In other words, you have not been effective in proving your topic sentence for a particular paragraph or for all places where your professor has placed a question mark.

The best solution is to think about what you want to say as if you are speaking to someone in a conversation. Say it out loud. Now write it the same way you say it. Just remember: Do not forget to allow time to revise in written form what you have said because you do not want to write formally the same way you speak informally.

Below is a sample excerpt. Examine how the student within the excerpt fails to define the concept of “pastness.”

Sample Excerpt

In addition to Quentin Compson, in exploring the perspectives of Miss Rosa Codfield, Mr. Compson, and Shreve McCannon, Faulkner illustrates the process and study of genealogy and within each perspective resonates some speck of truth, regardless of validity or credibility. But before distinguishing among the narratives, it is vitally important to acknowledge and understand that although each character adds or subtracts from versions of the story, Thomas Sutpen knows the events of his drama better than anyone else. But it is arguable if we say that he understands his drama, the pastness of his past. Figure 42: Essay Excerpt on Light in August Characters, William Faulkner

Words and phrases that are not readily discernible need definition and explanation.

Problem

The student does not define how she uses a particular word within the analysis.

Response

In response to this, the teacher uses a question mark to indicate confusion about how the student uses the word/phrase.

Questions

1) What is “pastness?”

2) What is Thomas Sutpen’s past?

3) What is the pastness of the past?

4) How does Thomas Sutpen’s past relate to the whole story?

5) What connection does it have?

Revision Consideration

Always define how you will use a word within your analysis.

When using the word, ask yourself what it means. Develop a definition for it. Then include the definition as part of your analysis. Inform the reader of its significance to your analysis and then connect the word to the ideas you express about the author’s work. In other words, do not forget to make connections between your use of the word and how you believe it relates to the author’s ideas and work.

For an extended explanation, see also the comments “2.52. Not Sure What You Mean Here.” “1.21. Discuss/Discuss This,” “2.14. Clarify,” and “1.20. Could Be Better Worded.” They are located under the “First Draft” and “Second Draft” tabs, aptly titled.

PRACTICAL TASKS

The following feedback comments represent practical tasks for managing the revision process for multiple areas of the paper and the writing process in general. It is specific to revising for passive construction and houses feedback comments from the previous sections and including others.

Practical Task: Managing for Passive Construction

This lesson module explores practical tasks for managing the revision process in first-year composition courses. It reviews feedback comments and revision considerations. The lesson focuses primarily on revising for passive construction and related sentence-level issues within the composition paper. Minor grammar issues are explored.

favors-writing-center-feedback-comment-3.1-practical-task-passive-construction-grammar-october-21-2021-pdf Download

The downloadable document also includes the following feedback comments to support the idea of revising passive construction:

3.2. Active Voice/Passive Voice

3.3. Passive Construction

3.4. Must Be a Sentence

3.5. No Caps

3.6. Proofreading

3.7. Punctuation

3.8. Question Mark (?)

These feedback comments are specific to the third draft.

Practical Tool: Self-Proofreading Checklist

Overview

The practical tool within this lesson module falls under the third draft process for proofreading. Students often write without planning to proofread the final document. Students may also write with some form of planning. However, it is hard to prepare for those areas of the paper that require additional planning and preparation.

Understanding a literary work requires more than a skim of the passage. You must read the work for understanding. When an instructor writes “Proofread,” this means that development of content needs to reflect final attention to not only grammar concepts, but also the assignment as well as the use of supporting evidence and formatting.

Final proofreading should consider the importance of accuracy and proofreading in use of supporting evidence. In the same way that you create a prep statement for a quote, integrate the quote, and then follow up the quote with commentary and/or analysis, proofreading issues need the same preparation and foresight.

Proofreading your paper for general grammar issues and specific passive voice issues requires skill. The development of writing skill always requires further attention on the literary work, the writing strategy, and the adherence to the assignment.

Consider “Self-Proofreading Checklist” tool as useful for honing your ability and skill to proofread the third draft

Learning Objectives

By the end of this lesson, students will be able to do the following:

Review the third draft for issues with general grammar.
Review the third draft for issues with passive construction
Review the third draft for issues with the assignment.
Review the third draft for issues with document formatting.
Apply the instructor’s feedback
Design a revision plan.

Tools You Will Need

You will need your third draft (graded/not graded, in progress).

You will need circled, highlighted, or squared any area where grammar issues are present.

Instructor feedback

Self-Proofreading Checklist

The following checklist focuses on constructing a proofreading tool to ensure you meet the assignment requirements, address grammar issues, and format the document appropriately.

MLA Formatting

Have I typed on my paper. . .

my name?

my professor’s name?

my course name and number?

the date in reverse? (for MLA citation styles only)

Do I have a title?

Does my title relate to the subject of my paper?

Have I followed MLA or APA procedure? Have I cited all my sources, in-text and end-text?

Assignment/Writing Strategy

What kind of paper am I writing? Thesis-based? Argument?

Have I defined my goals for this paper?

Do I present a clear thesis?

Do I develop an argument?

Do readers know my purpose for writing?

Do I contradict my thesis in any way? (If so, my argument may be weak.)

Have I analyzed my paper? Or have I summarized?

Do I logically break down my analysis into component parts and analyze each part?

Do I onlyinclude plot summaries and present an “overall” view of the text?

Have I answered my professor’s question? Do I deviate in any way from the question prompt?

Grammar

Have I proofread my paper? Have I followed the rules of grammar?

Are all verb tenses one tense within each sentence? Am I consistent throughout my paper?

Do subjects and verbs agree?

Are pronounsreferenced appropriately? Do they refer to the right person or thing?

Are conditional verbs necessary to my analysis? (Can = certainty; Could = possibility)

Where do I misuse and/or overuse commas?

Have I followed the rules of articles? Do I present articles? Are they properly placed?

Have I used the proper preposition in each sentence?

Have I checked for spelling errors? Have I corrected these spelling errors?

favors-writing-center-feedback-comment-3.3.-practical-tool-self-proofreading-checklist-october-21-2021-pdf Download

SUMMARY OF KEY LESSON POINTS

3.2. Active Voice/Passive Voice: When a student creates a sentence that uses a form of the helping verb “to be,” or uses one of the modals with the past tense form of a main verb (-ed), then he or she constructs a sentence in the passive voice. When using passive voice, the grammatical subject receives the action, but does not perform the action.
3.4. Must Be a Sentence: According to the standards of the Modern Language Association (MLA), you “must construct a clear, grammatically correct sentence that allows you to introduce or incorporate a quotation with complete accuracy” (109).
3.5. No Caps: Oftentimes your teacher will write “no caps” in the margins to instruct you that the words you have capitalized do not fall under the rules of grammar.
3.7. “Punctuation” is a comment professors write in the margins to highlight the nature of a specific sentence. Typically, the comment only points to the end of the sentence, the place where you have forgotten to either add, for example, a period or question mark.
3.8. Question Mark (?): A question mark in the margins reflects borderline confusion to your professor. Confused about the ideas you express within your analysis, the professor uses the punctuation mark to highlight those areas where you need to provide a specific explanation. A question mark has the same meaning as “I don’t understand what you are trying to say here. What exactly do you mean? How does one thing relate to another? Explain.”

About the Author

Regina Y. Favors has served as a college English instructor for a community college, teaching first-year composition. Regina has both a B.A. and M.A. in English from San Diego State University. Regina’s current activities focus on developing a digital learning platform for first-year composition studies.

About Favors Writing Center

Favors Writing Center is an online resource for first-year composition instructors and students engaged in the revision planning process. Favors Writing Center is a product of Favors Learning Center Online Products, a product of Favors Learning Center, which is in development.

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